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I started this blog with a purpose. Actually more than one purpose but mainly because I wanted to make myself have adventures so that I actually had something to write about that was worth reading.

Worth.
Worth is a word that I struggle with on a daily basis. Google "worth" and oxford dictionary because Oxford sounds fancy and it brings you to Value.

Its the end of the spring semester and recently I made an appointment with my advisor to plan my next semester out. I hate doing it because they always ask you all these questions that you are supposed to know the answers to. As we we're walking to her office she asked me the one question I get the most, and the one get that I hate the most. If you had asked me that question 6 years ago I would've rattled on about being a famous movie director. Two years before that I was still delusional enough to think that I could be an actress, until a boy I barely knew made a cruel remark about my acting in front of a best friend and she laughed along with him. Before that, I was destined for photography. I looked at my feet and the brick pathway suddenly panicked. 10 years ago, the 13 year old that was me could give you a written list of reasons why I would become the best adult you've ever known.


This almost 24 year old's list is flooded with eraser marks and doubt. I've heard this before. From friends and relatives and mom of course.
I believe it 55% of the time too. The other 45% of the time I'm lost in a deep ocean of uneasiness, of crushed dreams and reality. Of over dramatization. I role the phrase around in my mouth tasting its bitter truth. "Lack of Confidence" as if it were a diagnosis. How stupid. Whats more stupid is that I already know whats 'wrong' with me, and I hear the uplifting words of friends like a blaring loudspeaker.
But it's the quiet voice that resonates in the depths of my mind that seeds. Its the frustration that I'm stuck in a cyclical pattern of behavior and I know better than to succumb to it.

I saw a quote on the internet ( of course ) that comes to mind quite frequently.

Don't let comparison, rob you of joy.

There are many things in my life and this world that I feel have robbed me of joy, but have I forgotten that I am fully capable of robbing myself of joy? It's natural to compare yourself to something or another. Too often I forget that there is no standard really. There is no one perfect human being that defines exactly what we should be, do, or look like. There is one type of comparison that will benefit you however.

It is when you compare yourself to someone and they remind you not about everything that's wrong with you or what you don't have, or how much better you are than them but rather, how being yourself all right.  That you're gonna make it, no matter how far behind you are, no matter how many times you've completely messed it all up.

I'm privilged to have a friend like that. I see her atleast once a week, and while she never says it outright I hear "Melissa, you're gonna be alright"

In my world I hear a lot of questions:
"what are you gonna do now?"
"How can you live like that?"
"Where are you going to be?"
"Why haven't you done this?"
"When are you going to be finished?"

A constant reminder that I don't know whats going to happen to me, and I'm afraid to even think about it, I look at her face, the face of my dear friend and for a short moment:

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While I was growing up I considered my parents to be mildy lenient when it came to rules compared to some of my friends. We were allowed to watch pretty much anything that didn't completely freak my mom out (save for The Simpsons, which my mother hated with a passion).

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Don't you hate it when you sit down to start something and then suddenly you have to-

"Oh god don't be one of those bloggers that get way too personal, okay no one wants to picture you in the bathroom" - Mel

Moving on, yesterday was a day off for me. The night before, I set my alarm to wake up early in order to do this thing called "productivity", which I guess is essential in adulthood...or something. After hitting the snooze button on my cellphone to the point where it flew off my desk and got lost on the floor somewhere I awoke sometime after noon wondering where my day had gone. On a side note: Really I have the best mattress in the world and anyone who would have the privilege of sleeping in my bed would never blame me for sleeping in or taking lots of naps.

the girl who did this one used drills and paint a bunch of other stuff I skipped....

I used two different sizes, large ones and some smaller ones evenly spaced out on the frame.

Thankfully I already had the necessary hardware to add my own...thingys... on the back to hang it up on a wall. You know the things on the back of pictures? Fun Fact: that is the technical term. Then after putting some nails in the wall, my parents will thank me for that later, I was filled with glee at my creation.

pictured here with one necklace...I totally crooked on my wall..

After fixing its blatant crookedness..-"I'm guessing levelers are for losers too?" - Mel -and adding more necklaces I found floating around in my room...

thumbs up, you kind of sort of did something today

Just goes to show that you can thrift with a purpose! I made something useful AND I will probably start wearing necklaces because I can actually see them...

"I'm sure those were all tools needed to make the jewelry holder.." - Mel 
"You shut up!" - Mutzie

[Link] to blog where I found the project.

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There are many names for today. Wednesday, Hump Day, Thank God Its Almost Friday, or Wed-Nes-day if you're like me and you have to pronounce it that way every time you spell it.

Confession: I cheated on a spelling test in second grade. Maybe that was the day I was supposed to learn how to spell Wednesday without sounding it out in my head like that... Don't cheat kids. You will become a dumb adult.

Today however I propose a new name. And that name is:




Okay so that's not so much a rename for today but more of a celebration of mustachios. And I totally stole it from one of my new favorite YouTube series SourceFed. If you haven't heard of it there's something wrong with you.

this is an oldie but a goodie. I don't often remember to bring My mustache to school with me...

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If you've ever had the misfortune of losing something in my bedroom, you would find first a plethora of crafty odds and ends. While tiny, I've managed to make my space into a little den of creativity. That is, if creativity were vomited into a hurricane. Yeah so it's a giant mess. On nights before my days off I spend time laying in bed doing the exact same thing: going over in my mind all the awesome projects I'm going to do, start, or continue doing the next day. Then what follows is me sleeping in entirely too late and sitting on my bed talking myself out of every project I come up with. Don't really feel like knitting today, painting makes too much of a mess, I could draw but...

It's a disastrous circle and makes me wonder how I've actually come to create anything. Case in point, this blog has been sitting here for days. This account, even longer. I've just finished watching Paper Man, a story about an old writer who can't seem to figure out what to do with his hands, spends the majority of his time in solitude, and longs for just one friend. Depressingly, it reminded me of myself. But on the flip side I'm suddenly inspired to write my first post and here we go, BOOM:



Accidentally.

Is the name of my hairstyle today. I have a love hate relationship with my hair. I recognize I have the hair millions of women would kill for. Full body, luscious curls and waves, and I some how manage to keep it that "why is my hair so shiny looking?" healthy. Go figure. Then again, I have to deal with humidity, the actual weight of my hair (yes hair this thick is really heavy), and trying to manage it period. Anyway, more often than not, instead of dealing with it I throw it up in a ponytail or some kind of half-assed messy bun. And so that's how I sleep. Often I wake up the next morning missing whatever hair tie was holding the beast that is my hair or with some kid of bulbous wad of hair atop my hair in a bizarre angle. Today it was at the side of my head. Almost perfectly. So I kept it that way.

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