I started this blog with a purpose. Actually more than one purpose but mainly because I wanted to make myself have adventures so that I actually had something to write about that was worth reading.
Worth is a word that I struggle with on a daily basis. Google "worth" and oxford dictionary because Oxford sounds fancy and it brings you to Value.
This almost 24 year old's list is flooded with eraser marks and doubt.
I believe it 55% of the time too. The other 45% of the time I'm lost in a deep ocean of uneasiness, of crushed dreams and reality. Of over dramatization.
But it's the quiet voice that resonates in the depths of my mind that seeds. Its the frustration that I'm stuck in a cyclical pattern of behavior and I know better than to succumb to it.
I saw a quote on the internet ( of course ) that comes to mind quite frequently.
Don't let comparison, rob you of joy.There are many things in my life and this world that I feel have robbed me of joy, but have I forgotten that I am fully capable of robbing myself of joy? It's natural to compare yourself to something or another. Too often I forget that there is no standard really. There is no one perfect human being that defines exactly what we should be, do, or look like. There is one type of comparison that will benefit you however.
It is when you compare yourself to someone and they remind you not about everything that's wrong with you or what you don't have, or how much better you are than them but rather, how being yourself all right. That you're gonna make it, no matter how far behind you are, no matter how many times you've completely messed it all up.
I'm privilged to have a friend like that. I see her atleast once a week, and while she never says it outright I hear "Melissa, you're gonna be alright"
In my world I hear a lot of questions:
"what are you gonna do now?"
"How can you live like that?"
"Where are you going to be?"
"Why haven't you done this?"
"When are you going to be finished?"
A constant reminder that I don't know whats going to happen to me, and I'm afraid to even think about it, I look at her face, the face of my dear friend and for a short moment: